Hello 80's night outfit! Those stockings (tardy tights) sure earned a few comments ;)
And one with my face, because it's pretty and I know how much you all like to look at it! Just look at those big baby blues!
Haha.
Carlton Gardens, on a not so warm, but somewhat sunny October 17.
Chillen'
Today I am struggling with the being happy thing. I'll put it down to womanly hormones and try not to think too much, but the truth is I can't help thinking about stuff that I would really love to put behind me. I have a feeling that no matter how much water runs under the bridge some memories will always haunt me, and things will never be quite as good at they could be. Knowing that things that happened where a choice, not just chance, will always cause me to doubt a lot of things.
I posted in an earlier blog where I wrote that I don't regret the things that I did, but I regret the choices others made. Little did I know how true that rung. At the time I was blissfully unaware that someone had already made the decision that I will probably regret most for the rest of my life. It's like no matter what I do now it's going to feel like a bad decision. I could go two ways, and neither of those ways are particularly easy although I can see them both turning into something beautiful if given the right amount of time and nurturing.
Sometimes I wish I'd never found out. I sometimes feel like I am acting as though I never had known, like nothing ever happened and things can go on as they were and nothing has really changed. Sometimes I try to look at things as having been for the better, and now everyone will be better person because of the lessons they learned and everything will turn out better for it. Optimistic, that's me.
I probably shouldn't post this, since it probably does have a lot to do with hormones (I should probably interject here to point out that I'm not pregnant) but I will, and then next time I can remember how silly this was and feel better for it.
I do hope that I never stop being optimistic though. No matter what happens, I want to hope for the best and believe the best in others. It's been my downfall before, but I consider it a good trait.
Optimism and trust within others is a bittersweet trait. I for one know what you mean, without understanding the full context in which you are referring to, as I have been through many of lifes lessons where my loyalty and trust has been tested and thrown back in my face. Yet, I still continue to trust some of those involved, because I think people deserve a chance to redeem themselves.
ReplyDeleteI ended up having a second chance within the last year and I'm forever grateful. I figure that was my loyalty and trust in others coming back my way, to give me that chance of redemption.
However, saying that, you can somewhat forgive, but never forget the lesson that has been put in front of you.
I think believing the best in others is rewarding, however, never forget the past. Lessons are learnt from previous events, and in most cases, brings out the true colours of those involved. It creates a better version of yourself, and hopefully those involved. Unfortunately, I am extremely stubborn, so I learn by making mistakes. However, once learnt, I will never make that mistake again.
Never stop being optimistic. I think I am more optimisitc than I give myself credit, especially in relation to people and friendships/relationships. I push through the bad stuff hoping I will catch a break sometimes. The break I deserve.
I hope you get and/or have your big break. :)
P.S- I want those stockings/leggings. :3
ReplyDeleteI have made the decision to forgive and move on, and hope the other party has learned from their mistake and can regain my trust some day.
ReplyDeleteI'm a big one for forgiveness, holding grudges just isn't something I do.
But at the same time as they learned something good from their mistake, I learned that even those you trust with your life wont always protect it, and it's going to be very hard for me to trust them, or any one else for that matter now. I hate that, because there were already so few people I trusted and now there are less and finding others will be harder.
That, and the constant reminder of the hurt and betrayal and how could someone who supposedly cares about you be so careless. The world became a very confusing place recently. I wish I knew how to make sense of it.
And I hope you're right. I hope my continued optimism and sense of faith helps me out when I need it most.
Thanks for your comment. I'm glad I'm not the only one stubborn enough to stay optimistic and have faith in other people.
:)