CAKE!

Today I woke up and decided to make a raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake. Little did I know what I was in for!

I went to the supermarket and got all the ingredients. Great, cheaper than I thought too. Came home, started making the base when I realised that our spring pan was MISSING. Called Mum who said she'd thrown it out, so off I went to Target to buy one. Ugh.

Started making the raspberry sauce, which went well. Melted chocolate with no difficulty. Get the cheese out of the fridge to find I had bought cottage cheese, NOT cream cheese D:

So out I go again to the supermarket to buy the right cheese!

After 2 and a half hours I finally get the thing in the oven! It's about to come out now, so I REALLY hope that it has worked and it super yummy.

Also, I now have my tax return money and I am super excited cause I feel rich again now. Can't wait to get the paint on my car fixed and buy some new tops and have money left over :D I'll be able to book in my next tattoo as well! Speaking of which, Mum's friend Julie came around today and saw the one I have for the first time. She wants me to draw a design for her which is similar to mine. She thought mine was absolutely beautiful :)

Anyway, better go get that cake before I have another disaster and ruin it completely!

I've had a nice couple of days. Last night I saw Inception and though I was confused through most of it, and needed to use the toilet pretty much the whole time (even after I'd just been) I enjoyed it a lot. The whole concept and complexity was awesome and this morning I ended up having weird "dream in a dream" experiences. My phone then went flat after I pressed snooze and I woke up 5 minutes before I had to leave D:

Made it to work on time though, cause I am a legend and didn't even need to speed to get there.

This week has gone incredibly quickly and the show starts in one week >.< 4 rehearsals left! Definitely think I better try going script down, even though I was only offered the main role a week and a half ago.

Anyway, I am feeling more and more exhausted as it gets closer to the show. I think I will have a nice chill out day tomorrow, and an early night Monday as it will be the last one I get to have for awhile! Being busy is good though. Makes you look forward to having time to do nothing. Even sitting on my bed is such a relief these days. Though I usually end up snuggled up under the covers pretty quickly and then have issues when I need to go out again.

So yeah, in short, I've had a fairly good few days, spend some really nice time with someone who means a lot to me and I hope things continue.

Hump Day!

At work today we decided to have a new coffee lady come to see if she was any better than our normal coffee lady. I don't know if the service was any better (although her "Coffee Cab" did have a cool horn to announce it's arrival) but the hot chocolate was definitely not as good as the usual. Normal coffee lady comes tomorrow, so all will be well.

Rehearsal last night went pretty well. We now have an amazing prop car. It's pretty much the coolest prop in the show an Britt even said getting the prop car was probably almost as awesome as getting her real car. And then in rehearsal I made up some crap about having to put the seat forward to get out because it is a two door car and Tom told me to keep doing it. Yay, I made a funny! 'Course, I'm not as good as Jeremy who had us in hysterics at one point while filling in for someone. Still can't believe we open next Friday, which reminds me I have to go have another look for something....

I learned a new thing at work today. Very proud of myself, hopefully I did it all right.

And I REALLY want to go see Inception a.s.a.p. cause I have been told it's awesome. So to the person who told me they'd see it with me- I don't care if you've seen it already hurry up and make time to take me!

Ummmm.... That's all for today.

Time flies.

When I woke up this morning I did not want to get out of bed! I had half a mind to stay there until I remembered that I only have a short day at work. So off I went to spend my whole day doing the same mundane task. I'm still not finished, but hopefully it will only take a couple more hours.

I have a few more responsibilities at work. My main role at work consists basically of being assistant to Nicole, who runs the watch department. So anything to do with watches, she handles, and I help with. Means I get all the fun jobs like keeping track of repairs and damaged stock and sending watch boxes to the stores.

Nicole has got a sort of promotion though, to assist the manager of our room so I'll be taking on a few more responsibilities, which is good. I don't know yet if I like doing watches or not. But, getting new things to do it definitely a good thing.

After work I took my car to the smash repair/spray painter for a quote. Looks like I'm going to have to make an insurance claim :( There goes my rating, but at least when I get my new car it will be cheaper to insure than my current one, so it doesn't make a huge difference to me I guess. And I might get some pride in my car again when it looks as good as when I bought it and prevent weeds growing on it again!

And since getting home I have made risotto for dinner, watched some t.v. and now I am going to shower and get my stuff organised for rehearsal tonight. I can't believe how fast the last few months have gone. We open in 11 days! Eek. I am going to be exhausted by the end of this, I just know it. In fact, I am already pretty exhausted. I wish I had taken some time off work or something!

Speaking of which, I have a couple days off in October for my birthday, so I have to figure out something that I want to do. Maybe a nice dinner and good night out, or have a few friends over for a barbeque. I would have liked to go away somewhere nice for a few nights, but that really depends on some stuff and I wont get my hopes up for that. Life is pretty unpredictable lately, and planning things where other people are concerned seems a bit pointless at the moment. I guess I'll leave it for now. It's still two months away.

Though, I can tell those two months are going to fly.

I went to sleep last night in not such an awesome mood. I was a bit disappointed, and woke up feeling no better this morning.

It ruined what could have otherwise been a pleasant day.

I wish I had a bit more tact sometimes.

Work wise it was a pretty easy/boring day. Mondays never go too slow luckily and now I am at home wishing there was something I could do to feel better and hoping that by tomorrow everything will be back to how nice it was 24 hours ago. I have no idea what I am going to do until bed time and lately I have HATED having nothing to do. I actually wake up feeling horrible some days and still drag myself out of bed because I'd rather feel like crap at work than spend the day by myself. There was a period when I was only working about 20 hours a week where I actually got depressed because there was no reason for me to get out of bed.

So, hopefully something mildly amusing is on tv tonight. Or something nice happens to at least put me in a good mood and give me something nice to think about.

My appetite has also been worrying me lately. For dinner last night I couldn't even make it through a whole piece of corn. If you know how much I like corn, you will know what a dire thing it is if I don't finish every last edible piece I can get. Then at morning tea today all I could manage was a few spoonfuls of yoghurt. I hate when my appetite goes away. I lose weight so easily and I always feel too skinny as it is. I don't know if it's really that noticeable to other people, but when I can see my ribs and pelvis starting to poke out a little bit it's a pretty big blow to me. Last year, in that time where I was depressed, I was the smallest I have been since year 10. Hopefully it wont come to that this time. And yes, interestingly enough I don't comfort eat. When I am upset, whether its a little or a lot, I just can't bring myself to eat.

ANYWAY.

Now that the show is so close and in a matter of weeks I wont have it to focus on anymore I am looking for something else that I can look forward to. I am going away for a weekend with a couple of girls from work which I am really looking forward to. I have a feeling that it will probably be one of the best weekends I have had for awhile. It will be something I haven't done before, and I think that it will be good for me :) After that... I guess I need to find something else to do!

First batch.

Hi all. This is probably blog number 18732101 I have created online. I keep making new ones because I keep thinking "Hey, I'm going to make a blog that I will make public for all my friends to read" then I write in it, and decide it should stay hidden. Then I keep writing things I don't want everyone to know and in the end can't be bothered going back and changing all the privacy settings.

So here is what will be somewhat more vague on my personal issues, and more enlightening on what amuses me, what my opinions are, my goals, dreams, desires and hopefully will help me develop my writing style.

Today has been pretty lazy. It started out really nicely and with some lovely sentiment which I wont elaborate on and, upon thinking about my actions later in the day, caused me to notice a lot of changes in myself.

If you have no interest in my feelings and soppy, sentimental stuff, I suggest skipping the italics.

I have never been an open or highly trusting person. I don't know if that's by nature or because I never really had any good friends until about half way through my teens. Once upon a time, for the first time ever I met a person who, without having to earn it, had my complete trust just because I felt that they were worthy of it.

They broke it, which is a natural thing. I have learned that it is a very difficult thing to hold someone complete trust and not damage it at least a little. I am however, a very forgiving person and I decided that they were still worthy of my trust, if I could bring myself to give it back.

This morning I finally brought myself to do so as fully as I had in the past, maybe even more so. I know, in fact I expect, that it will be broken again. I don't like to be fearful of that. I like to think I am the kind of person who can love unconditionally, and be happy that I do so without the need to be loved back. I like to think that I can fall and pick myself back up. I'd like to be a trusting person, who, on having their trust broken can mend it and trust again and again, perhaps more so each successive time.

I might not quite be there yet, but it pleases me to know that I am becoming that person. I'd always rather be reckless with my emotion than control it and hide it, particularly when it is such a nice emotion as happiness, excitement or love.

I also realized today that I feel a lot more humble and selfless than I used to. That moments like this morning are all the appreciation I need, and that being self absorbed only ruins what could otherwise be perfect simplicity of feelings. It shouldn't need explanation or elaboration. It shouldn't be expected or anticipated, planned and scheduled and picked into pieces trying to figure out what it all means.

I am the first to admit I am guilty of all of the above. I wish I'd learned to appreciate things without questioning or expecting a long time ago.

To the person who, if reading this, realizes that most of this concerns them, the only thing I want you to do is go on as you are, and learn to trust me again. It will be safer this time, I promise.

I also washed my car today, after making the discovery that I have weeds growing on it. Thats a lie actually. I went to the automatic wash, and in hindsight that may not have been such a great idea. I don't entirely trust the machine to get all the dirt out of the seals and when I remembered that water + sunshine are a great recipe for growth I started to wonder if I might walk out to a lawn on my car tomorrow. Oh well.

Then I came home to lie in the sunshine on my bed and eat sour worms while reading Little Women and missing my cat because we used to sit in the sunshine together when it shone through my window in winter. I really wish she was still around, or that I had another little friend to sit with me in the sun and doze.