Ink.

This is my tattoo. It was done almost exactly a year ago (I think it's about 5 days shy). I made the design a long time before that. It was a sunny day, I was at uni in one of my annoyingly long gaps between a lecture and a prac. I was sitting in the place I usually sat; grassy, next to my agriculture lab because it was between all my classes and the Agora, which was basically the food court/social centre of the uni. I'd been trying to come up with the perfect design for months. I must have just been in the precisely correct mind frame at the point, because within about 10 minutes I'd drawn the crude sketch.

My tattoo has a lot of meaning, which manifested (it took me about 15 minutes to get that word out, I just couldn't think of it) in the form of a horse, which I guess is a meaning in itself. It's not hard to guess why that is. Horse riding has always been my passion, my source of happiness and relaxation. Horses, for me, are an image of total bliss, and escape when I need it.

The significance in the tattoo itself is a lot like that. It's a reminder that I once experienced (well, more than once) complete bliss, that I can be absolutely happy and that I deserve to be. It also serves as inspiration to do whatever I can to stay that happy, or to find it again if I lose it. Never to settle for anything less than I once felt, even if I spend my entire life striving for that and only that.

The simple design, as well as being a little more subtle, reflects that things should be simple. That the greatest pleasure comes from the simplest treasure. I'm going to get something to that effect written either underneath the horse, or somewhere else on my body.

I had it done last September, when a lot of my life was going down hill. I'd lost the boy I was completely in love with, I'd dropped out of uni and a lot of my days involved staying in bed til 3 o'clock because I had no other reason to get up, and I was fairly depressed. I'd even had to have a blood test done because I had lost over 10% of my body weight, which for me is not a good thing. I suppose the decision to finally go out and get it done was supposed to inspire me to do something about it all, to strive for that happiness.

I've never really been completely open about my tattoo before. I always liked the idea of keeping it's secret to myself. This blog is all about sharing important parts of myself, so I figure I should share that too, as it's a pretty big thing.

I'm amazed that this blog hasn't become just another boring diary. I always had this tendency to just write really mundane blow-by-blow accounts of my day, or I poured my soul into something that was far more personal than I was willing to share. This actually shows a bit depth and gives you guys a way of seeing what I really think and feel.

Just so you know, I'm on my way to finding that happiness again. I think I am pretty damn close to it. Some moments, I even manage to find it.