Dear Life,

You have been going very well lately. I like that you are giving me optimism and reasons to smile and things to look forward to. Please keep it up.

Your dutifully,

Stephy Hirst.

Snow!

It has been another good weekend :)

Friday was girls night after work. We went to Amber's and she made us an amazing dinner of leek, garlic and brie stuffed chicken breast with panchetta (mine without it) and potato something that I can't spell and beans and asparagus with white wine and garlic sauce. It was very,very yummy. Then she made chocolate fondant with creme patissiere and strawberries for dessert. It is like having our own personal chef!

Then we came to my house and watched a movie before having about 4 hours sleep and leaving for Mt Buller at 5:30am

I wasn't planning on boarding, because I had been feeling really sick all week and wasn't sure if I'd have enough energy or be able to breathe properly. I ended up getting there and decided that I did want to try so I hired some stuff and Ashley and Amber tried to show me a few things. I managed to get down a little hill okay then we caught the chair lift up the mountain, had some lunch and then had a lesson.

I loved the lesson! I ended up being half way decent at boarding and it was sooo much fun. I went down the mountain a couple of times by myself and fell down far less often than I was expecting. I even wound up going a lot faster than I was expecting and still managed to stop. Yay. I am so proud of me and I really, really, really want to go back again this year, if not go a few times next year. Snow boarding is awesome!

Yes, I realise I am standing on an upside down board. The instructor told us to do this to get a feel for how to stand properly and this is the only photo of me on my board.

Here I am strapped in!

Haha today has been pretty lazy. Mostly consisted of being snuggled up in bed until 11:30 then getting up and realising how sore my body was (but not as sore as I was expecting it to be) then getting some Subway for lunch and fixing up a few things around the house before mum gets back from her holiday. Later on I'm going to Leigh's for some Lego Harry Potter and then volleyball and then I will come home and have dinner and go to bed :D

Happy :)

I took yesterday off work due to feeling very sick. It was a rather uneventful day consisting of the doctor, muffins and sleeping.

Today, even though I didn't feel much better I went to work anyway because it was less boring and I feel better when I am upright as opposed to lying in bed. I feel kinda better now, it's either the cold and flu medication or the virus has just become a head cold cause the aches are gone, and I feel like my brain is made of cotton wool. Which is much better than just hurting everywhere.

Tonight, later on, I am going out to hang with an awesome person. It shall be a swell evening and I look forward to it.

I have had many nice times lately. Outlook is getting better and better every day. I have things I am looking forward to, promises to be fulfilled and a lot of nice things to look back on that have happened recently.

It's nice to say that things are falling into place naturally, just as I hoped they would.

About two months ago I had a bit of a revelation. Some things just can't be forced. Sometimes, trying as hard as you can for something will only make it less likely to happen. There was a situation in my life where, even though I had all the opportunity I could possibly want, I guess I had a certain expectation of what should happen, when and how. I was trying way too hard and becoming emotional and moody and frustrated. All my hopes were almost taken from me, when I finally decided to step back and let it happen naturally. After all, before I tried to make things happen, they were heading that way of their own accord.

And, with this relaxed attitude, and the renewed positivity I am finding that the wheels keep turning in the direction I was heading, and that they do it better without my help.

Obviously, there are a lot of things you need to strive for. Sometimes though, if it's meant to be, it will just fall into place.

It was funny that I actually had to give someone that same advice a few days ago. Hopefully it works for them as well as it is working for me. But, I'd like to think that, when given the right opportunity, if things don't work out they way you hoped, then maybe it wasn't meant to happen and that you will find you inadvertently found yourself on a better path, or at least became a better person.

There are exactly 6 weeks until my 23rd birthday. There is not really a lot I hope to accomplish in that time. I guess I have reached a stage where I am happy to let things chug along at their own pace and I'll savour the moments while they last. I am in no hurry right now. I've grown up enough that I'm not impatient to grow up further, and I still have enough time left to do what's important. I'm in a happy place at the moment, and I have a lot to enjoy right now. The only thing I hope is that in 6 weeks time I am not in exactly the same place I am now. I hope that I have learned a little bit more, and that my relationships have grown a little stronger.

I really wouldn't ever want to swap lives with anyone.

Sick :(

I went to bed last night feeling fine. Little cough maybe, but I have had that all year.

I WOKE UP WITH THE FLU!

This is terrible news, if I am not better in 4 days that means NO SNOW!!

D:

I am achy and congested and have a cough and swollen throat and sore head. No fever yet though, which is good. But I still have to dance tonight :( My head throbs when I walk so that's going to be fun.

Anyway, my boss' doctor asked her, when she complained about always being sick, if she had moved house or office lately. We moved to a new office in January. Apparently all the people who used to work in our building left their grotty germs behind, and we have not built up an immunity to them. So almost everyone in the office constantly has a cold or a flu or something. It will take 12 months for our immunities to develop, so we've got 4 sick months to go. Yvette has been chroming the Glen 20 so she's okay. But the rest of us...

D:

Anyway, I really hope I get better and not worse. I should be keeping my fluids up but I just realised I haven't even had anything to drink since my Up and Go this morning. I better go get some water in me.

Luckily it is my early day today so I got home at 3:30, showered and now I am chilling in bed with my box of tissues and about to OD on vitamin C tablets and maybe have a little snooze.

My chicken made me another egg today as well. I will have it for dinner :D

Also

I totally had a really cool idea last night.

I am looking forward to summer. Like, pretty much peeing my pants with excitement about the fact it's on its way. This year I just can't wait. I dunno why, maybe it's my new found love of days on the beach, hanging out on the sand, and then chilling in the water when I want to refresh. Wearing summer clothes, being lazy. I'm just excited.

I'm going to make really good use of my camera and take as many summer good time photos as I can and make a really awesome collage out of it. I'm looking at getting a huge piece of card or something, some scrapbooking stuff and going to town.

I have a feeling that summer 2010/11 is going to be one to remember.

Do not read unless you like nonsense.

I heard a funny story today.

I guess you had to be there.

I have a pretty inflated sense of self importance today. I done some good deeds and I am proud of the way I handle myself lately. It's like I'm all of a sudden wise and mature and guiding those less fortunate along a better path. Or just giving them good advice. And looking awesome in the wake of people less amazing.

If you haven't noticed by now, I'm in an odd sort of mood. Most of this entry should probably just be put in the unintelligible garbage pile.

Speaking of unintelligible garbage, WTF happened with the election. K so, I know that like neither Gillard or Abbott won over enough voters to get enough seats to be the clear ruler of our country, but I totally don't get what happens now. Who the hell is leading us to our doom? Like right now, do we have a leader or what?

I'm so confused.

I never got politics.

I just finished dinner now and totally am craving frozen yoghurt again. Looks like I have to go on an outing to the supermarket.

And I can't believe I totally forgot to play Lego Harry Potter at Leigh's house yesterday. I want to learn parseltongue and be Ginny and do second year stuff. Mostly I wanna get to fourth year. Tri Wizard, here I come! But no, since I'm too poor for an xbox + tv I have to wait. D:

Tonight, I dunno what to do. Maybe like... I dunno... sit around and... y'know. Awesome stuff.

Mmm, I wish it was tomorrow. Dance auditions with Dana. This should be fun. I have the flexibility of a wooden plank these days. I sooo wish I had gone back to dancing. There are so many things I wish I had tried/kept going with but I just don't have time for everything.

But, maybe soon I will have my puppy (whose name I have already chosen) and our agility team will be superfab and I will be content with that.

Mostly I am excited for tomorrow because it is my early day which means I can come home and make the awesome muffins I found a recipe for. They sound delicious. If they are, I shall share them with my favourite people and we shall all rejoice.

OMG SNOW WEEKEND!

I am soo excited, According to my iphone weather forecast it will be snowing for three days before our visit so we should have some pretty awesome cover. I REALLY hope that it snows while I am there though, because that would just make my whole weekend. I want snow flakes in my hair and eyelashes! Just 5 more sleeps!

Absolutely Amazing.

Today was totally awesome. There is only one way it could have been better and that's if we had miraculously gotten really good at volleyball over the last week and won our game.

I stayed in bed pretty late before getting up and heading over to Leigh's. We went out and got Subway and ate at Hastings foreshore then we went for a random drive to Flinders. It was such a perfect day for a drive. I had my windows down which was awesome, I have missed driving with my windows down. We got to Flinders and parked and went for a little walk and it was super pretty and the sun was sooo lovely and warm. There were bunnies and we sat down at some yacht club place for awhile with the sun shining on us. Then we had to wade through some sea debris that was like a foot deep to get back to the car along the beach.

Once we got back to Leigh's we just hung out and did nothing like the lazy people we are before I had to go to volleyball. We lost, badly, as is the norm. But it was fun as usual :)

Now, gnocchi for dinner, frozen yoghurt for dessert, some tv and the house to myself. Amazing day!

Also, my hands are gross and dry from the cardboard at work. I bought cocoa butter hand cream and now they smell yummy!

The end of a wonderful day :)))

Saturday night.

Tis a Saturday night.

I had a hair cut today. I hate how I am always looking forward to my ends being all nice a smooth and not damaged, but then when I walk out of the hairdressers with a blow dry that I inevitably don't like, I always hate how short my hair seems. The hair dresser today thinned out my hair a lot and I wish she hadn't. Luckily next time I can hopefully have the hairdresser that does only take a tiny bit off when I ask.

But, at least my fringe looks a lot better, and yeah, the ends are a lot nicer, I will admit.

I tidied up my room today. Every time I can't find something Mum says "Well if you cleaned your room you'd probably find it." I never find stuff when I clean my room. Well, not stuff I couldn't find when it was messy. I reckon I have some kind of mysterious "Important Stuff" disposal unit under my bed. Prescriptions inevitably end up there. As well as one of each pair of socks, any new underwear I buy and small things like pens, micro SD card adaptors, erasers and camera batteries. Also the lid of my Thomas Sabo bracelet box. And my iron tablets.

But that's okay because I prefer Spatone.

I bought a new handbag today too. It's a biiig one. I haven't had a big handbag since I was at uni and that one was pretty hideous. The only problem with this one is that it doesn't really work with casual stuff so I will probably get into the habit of carrying a lot more stuff in my pockets when I'm wearing jeans a hoodie. That's okay. Bags can be annoying anyway.

My wardrobe is becoming a lot less casual anyway. It's filling up with skirts, stockings, nice tops and cute cardigans because that is what I am mostly wearing to work these days. I like this attire much better than jeans and hoodies anyway.

Anyway, I have to go dry my hair because I decided to get rid of that blow dry I didn't like and start over before I go out to Becca's tonight. Going to have a glass of muscat and chill out I think. Hopefully there are some good people there. I miss the Horrorshow cast already.

I saw Scott Pilgrim vs The World last night. It was insanely awesome and I loved it so much I want to see it again very soon. Anyone wanna come with? There is so much about the movie I think I loved and can't remember, and the stuff I can remember is soo good. I loved the creativity and the humour and everything. So good. One of my new favourite movies. I heart sex bob-omb!

Haha. The night was pretty awesome in every way apart from the rain. I was with my favourite person and we had a pretty amazing night after the movie too.

This weekend is going to be pretty quiet. I have a haircut tomorrow, and drinks at Becca's (or in my case, watching everyone else drink at Becca's) and volleyball on Sunday. So yeah, should be good to relax a lot and get plenty of sleep. Oh and hopefully finally get to start playing second year in Lego Harry Potter with Leigh XD

Speaking of Lego, I got a bit excited today as I was flicking through the Jewellery magazine at work. Lego are launching their own adult jewellery line :O Sterling silver rings adorned with Lego blocks. They also plan on releasing Lego nail polish. I'm not sure how that one works...

I'm not sure if this is an official picture, but it seems to be floating around.

In other news, snow trip next weekend :D I'm excited. Still haven't booked any snow gear though, so I may end up just throwing snow balls and drinking hot chocolate by a fire. Haha! Best get on that. I don't even own any appropriate warm/waterproof clothing D:

So embarrassed.

I went to have my false nails taken off and as one of them was pulled off, half of my real nail came off with it. I'm really not good when that sort of thing happens to me. Once I had a seizure because I had a blood test and I was fine with the blood being taken, but freaked out when I kept bleeding after the needle was taken out. I also fainted on poor Leigh's kitchen floor once after slicing my finger a little bit. So, it's fairly needless to say I didn't like seeing half my fingernail gone. I almost fainted in the middle of the shopping centre, which was very embarrassing D:

Also, after 9 months of working for a Pandora retailer I finally gave in and became a Pandora whore. Not a bracelet though. My Thomas Sabo is probably enough for now given how much I have spent on it. I bought a cute ring though :)

Staff incentives win. Especially when, seeing as how I'm never actually seen by customers, the suppliers don't really have much reason to give me an incentive. Best of both worlds for me.

Tonight I am auditioning for the next play with Pelican Theatre which is being written by Leigh and Jeremy. I have been practising my song every time I am in my car and I think it is sounding good. Not that it matters all that much because Leigh should know better than anyone what my singing ability is like since he has heard me sing more than anyone else ever has. Only problem is that my audition isn't til 10:15 cause I'm an oldie and they got more people auditioning than they thought they would. I'll just nap before I go :D

Gruesome

The show is amazing. We are sold out for the next two night-time shows, and that's even after we added a bit of extra seating. It gets so much better with every performance and we have even made my death a lot more gruesome. It will be AWESOME.

I feel sorry for the people who saw it on the first night. They have totally missed out on some epic improvements.

I signed myself up for the next show, mostly because I happened to be sitting in on the information night and James was next to me telling me what character he would like to be and I decided on which one I would like to be. Not that I'd be disappointed if I didn't get it, but I like the idea of the role. Anyway, I'm now booked in for an audition when I had previously said I probably wasn't going to do more than one show a year. Ay me!

This week has been almost 100% amazing apart from having to do giftware at work today which involved my hands getting so dry they started to crack and inhaling quite a lot of polystyrene particles. Much of the same for tomorrow morning but at least I get to finish work early. Always a bonus there.

Two weeks til my girly snow boarding weekend. I am more looking forward to the pyjama party than the snowboarding itself. Also I hopefully get to make a snowman or something. I don't think I am going to catch on to snowboarding very quickly. Can't I stick to ice skating? Maybe tobogganing? I'm sure I'll end up with a lot less bruises that way! Haha have to hire some gear first anyway. Top priority is warm and waterproof clothing/footwear.

And now I am off to get my stuff sorted for tomorrow before bed!

Mess.

For the last year or so my life has been all over the place. I've had some alright highs, some pretty big lows and all in all I'm not entirely sure I achieved anything much, except maybe a little bit more patience. My confidence has been pretty rattled, I feel so much less secure and so much less likely to achieve things I want to do. I've been taking three steps back for every one forward, but I feel more independent than ever. Which is not always a good thing.

On the plus side I have made new friends, I've tried new things and travelled to new places. I feel like I am just always looking for some new way to change things though, but it never does change.

One big problem I've had has been the way other people impact my life. Not my friends, not one of my friends has made any negative impact on my life. There are just so many people out there who don't seem to care how the way they act impacts other people. This last year I have had the unfortunate privilege to encounter a lot of people who have made my life more difficult through manipulating, lying and meddling. I've discovered that there are people who will stop at nothing to get what they want, even when they know that in the process they are making someone else's life worse. The funny this is that I've noticed that these people never do get their way in the end. After causing someone else a lot of grief they end up very unhappy themselves and even further from getting what they want.

Unfortunately though the damage these people have caused me is very tricky to reverse. I'm still not sure if I can ever fix what they helped wreck, and I resent that. If I'd done the damage myself I could at least know that I am the one who fucked up, suck it up and work on not repeating my mistakes. But when other people get involved, you just can't help anything. You couldn't stop what they did. Even if you could go back in time and fix your own mistakes you can't stop them from what they did. It seems to hopeless and so unfair. All I can do is leave behind the mess they made and regret that things never became what they should have.

I used to say that I had no regrets, and that I would never regret anything. That was until I realised that you can regret the things that other people did. I will never regret any of MY choices, but I will regret some of the choices others made for a very long time.

The other day came a nice spark of hope. Someone mentioned moving forward.

I can't change what happened, but I'd like to build something out of it.

One of the highlights of the past year is the show I am in now. My input into it is something I am proud of (one of the few things I am proud of that happened in the last 12 months) and I might not be the greatest actress or singer, but I worked my butt off and I was rewarded for my effort. The show has been successful in terms of audience, but for me it has been successful because I did something new and I actually enjoyed it, and because I was an important part of it. Playing three roles is so tiring, but I'd do it again.

Although I do digress a lot, as usual.

I do, in some ways, know what I want. I want a puppy, I want a new car, I want to do something to get me fit, I want to save money. Most of all though, I want things to be simple and consistent. I don't like wondering if tomorrow is going to be as good as today, and being afraid that it's going to be another disaster. I don't like wondering what people mean by what they say, and not knowing if they'll say the same thing next week. I don't like having something I say turned into a big deal, when I didn't mean it to be. I know that most things are always going to be unexpected, but if some things were a little less complicated I wouldn't be half so worried about the unexpected.

Chance to relax!

Wow. It has been a full on week. Work + rehearsals and then three shows. It has been great. I have had so much fun performing (especially being covered in fake blood). The show itself has been really successful and I am so proud of myself :) I wont spoil too much now for those who haven't seen it yet!

Today was really lazy. I stayed in bed til about 1:30pm then to make up for my sleep in I made creme brulee (which I am about to eat) before going to play two games of volleyball with my new team. It was very fun and even though we lost both games pretty dismally I did play a few decent shots. I'm so glad to be playing again!

So I have another pretty big week coming up with more rehearsals and three more shows and I am excited for it. It will be good when it's over too. I have some nice things to look forward to when it's all over. I'm very excited to be looking at a chance to move forward and be a part of something amazing again.

Now I am going to have my dessert and watch tv for the next few hours before bed :D

Mo.

I like Mondays. They are always the fastest day of the week. Sure, you have four days of work left after it, but Monday itself is like lightning.

Here is a link that I have stolen from Penny, my agility trainer's blog. It made me giggle.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/gusanos-worm-whisperer.php?page=1

I secretly lurk Penny's blog. I found a link to it on her youtube profile. She's a funny woman, but I sometimes think she has way too much time on her hands. Some of the things she writes about training are useful though, as well as the feedback she gets from other agility competitors. Reading some of her triumphs and set backs and challenges have really inspired me to get into agility as more than just a way to give my over-energetic kelpie x something more interesting to think about.
I can't wait until I get can get my puppy. I want an Australian Shepherd puppy so I can train it properly. I even came up with a name today.
My dogs are great but Fink is a bit old and Honey is just too timid. It's rewarding when she overcomes her fear and finally realises she can do a new obstacle without a monster jumping out of it. When she finally does click she gets all cocky and starts doing things by herself without being asked. It's pretty cute really. Last time we went to agility she actually RAN and did four obstacles in a row. The week before that I couldn't even get her over a jump.

I'm looking forward to having a more motivated dog who actually loves doing it and has a natural curiosity for things, rather than a fear.

And I decided on an Aussie because they're a bit like collies, medium sized tend to build strong bonds with their owners. They need a bit of exercise, but hey, so do I.

Tonight, I think, is my last night off before the show. Busy, busy me until Sunday D: and even then I have two games of volleyball.

Geez, anyone reading my blog who didn't know me would think I wasn't lazy. Truth is, work is the relaxing part of my life at the moment! I go there and sit around doing easy stuff where I can have a social conversation at the same time. A lot like school really, only without the grumpy teachers and homework.

Anyway, personally today is good. I seem to have emotions all over the place at the moment. Happy one day, miserable the next. I'm not real sure what that's all about but I'm glad it sort of works out to more good days than bad. Appetite is getting better. I discovered sweet potato fries. I am in love with them. They are so much better than normal fries (but sweet potato is better than normal potato in everything) and I could keep eating them forever. Y'know, as long as they weren't the only things I was eating. Vitamin A is good and all but I think I need a few more nutrients than that.

On that note I will finish this because my keyboard needs cleaning and half the keys don't work and my fingers keep hitting the touch pad on my laptop and making me lose my place. It's getting very annoying!

Stormy

I am sick of feeling exhausted. I am tired all day, then can't sleep soundly at night and when I get home from work I can't help falling asleep for twenty minutes before I have to go out again, effectively making me feel like crap and ruining any chance I have at a good night sleep afterwards.

Don't get me wrong, I love doing the show. It's just taking a lot out of me. Thankfully I haven't been feeling sick lately.

Today is the first day of August. The last month of winter. At last. For some weird reason I decided that the normal three months of winter weren't enough for me, and that I had to go get an extra two weeks in England. Well, technically it was spring there, but their spring actually seemed to be much the same as our winter. Possibly even colder. I am so, so looking forward to the warmer months, and especially the part where I have two weeks off to spend at my leisure. Mmm... two weeks of beach with my girls (a.k.a my dogs).

I think that these two factors have contributed to my rather unpleasant mood today. That and the fact that my cake turned out lumpy (no matter how amazing Brady says it was).

But at least we seemed to get a fair bit accomplished in rehearsal and I managed the whole day without a script in my hand. I should practice my song though.

I just finished watching Pride and Prejudice (the film) and I wish someone loved me like Mr Darcy loves Lizzie, it's way better than Edward+Bella. It made me happy and sad at the same time and also I was amazed at how well they managed to hide Talulah Riley's prettiness in the movie. She does make me want to watch the Boat that Rocked again!
Very glad I don't actually live in that era though. I'd have no hope!